office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Are my feet made of real feet?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
