I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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