i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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