We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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