I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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