Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
