Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is the high leading the old right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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