yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
