I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
only if we run a train.
done.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
