it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
