either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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