Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize