The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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