Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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