and you said cock pushups were impossible
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
we're so committed to being not committed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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