she was so not down for the gang bang
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
