Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
