Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
