Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
