I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
