I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
