Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
