Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize