How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
