Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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