She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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