also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
