I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
