He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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