Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
