I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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