This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
