shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think your dad took our porno
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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