A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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