I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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