Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
