thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
