Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
