if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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