After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
