I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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