so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
