My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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