My room smells like vodka and shame
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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