I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize