So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
