Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
