It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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