I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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