I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize