No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
