honey bunches of taint.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
