Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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