meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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