she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
