Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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