I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
