put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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