haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
