the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
